Nilüfer, do you remember what first drew you to playing the guitar?
I actually started with piano when I was a kid, right up until I turned 18. I did all the exams and everything, I put so much work into it. I had to try really hard with piano, and I feel like I have bad memories associated with it, you know? Practicing for hours, and still getting it wrong, crying… But then I found the guitar, and it was very effortless. I could just take it into my room and make something with it that sounded cool. I didn’t have to try very hard in that way, I just made whatever I liked. Piano is still part of me, and it helped me learn a lot about music, but guitar has become a really integral part of my life and work.
I can imagine it also gives you more creative freedom because you’ve been working with the guitar for so long, you don’t have to worry about it. It’s part of you.
Oh, absolutely. It’s also massive part of the whole songwriting process for me, because even if I'm not the one playing the guitar on a track, then it still has to be there. I’ve noticed that when I hold it, it feels easier to write, easier to sing. On stage as well, it’s a sort of comfort because I would hate singing without it. It feels horrible if I don’t have my guitar on stage with me.
“You want to feel something. That just makes performance a more enjoyable thing, it makes it feel like you’re doing something worthwhile. I find it hard to fake that.”
What else helps you to give your best performance? Apparently you sometimes try to conjure up the same emotions you had while writing the song you’re singing…
It’s not necessarily conjuring up the same emotions, but you're trying to conjure up something. You want to feel something. That just makes performance a more enjoyable thing, it makes it feel like you're doing something worthwhile. I find it hard to fake that. For me, becoming more comfortable being on stage meant realizing that it's not going to be the same every time. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes I feel terrible, but either way, it’s just part of the job and I have to allow myself to feel that when I’m performing.
It’s almost like getting to know yourself; a moment of introspection in front of thousands of people.
Yeah, it’s a beautiful thing to be able to do that in that space. It’s funny for me because I'm quite reserved naturally. I don’t really like being on stage, it’s not natural for me. I wouldn't be there if I wasn't doing music. So I think feeling those emotions and having that reflection helps me to be more confident. Sometimes it even feels like, “Oh, wow, everything makes sense for a minute.” You get a sense of yourself in the world, where you are, you're just existing in this space on stage or something. It’s a weird moment of stillness. I think it's probably what meditating feels like?
What about songwriting? Does that craft bring about a moment where everything makes sense?
I struggle with songwriting sometimes! I'll be working on something, and I can feel like, “Oh, don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this room. I don't want to be making this, everything's stupid." But I’ve learned that I tend to work better when I'm happy in my head, when I'm happy in my environment. So I’m trying to protect my space and my time to in order to create. I’ve realized how important it is. It’s half the job for me.
Does that mean you have to choose your collaborators wisely in order to protect that creative environment?
Yeah, the thing is that I always used to like working alone. That was my thing. I wrote songs and played instruments, and it felt like I didn’t really need somebody else. I never wanted to work for other people, I'm not really interested in their opinions. I didn't get much joy out of collaborating. But now I'm really seeing the joy in sharing something with somebody — but I don't want it to just be anyone. Like you said, I do have to protect that space, I’m not really interested in the whole topliner songwriting camp situation, that seems to be the way a lot of big hits are made. The industry is kind of built around that. The people I’ve worked with often only work with one or two other people, and I've come to realize is that that’s how a lot of good music is made, a lot of the music I admire is made by two close collaborators.
And you have that, no? You’ve worked with the producer Wilma Archer for your past two albums.
That’s right, yeah, and it’s actually such a big thing, the fact that we made it together is so integral to my new album My Method Actor. For this record, we decided to just work on it together from the beginning, just us two, nobody else. And we didn’t share it at all until we were nearly finished. So it was a pretty intense space because you’ve only got each other’s opinions… But it’s a trusting space, and we've already decided that we trust each other by that point, so it was really an honor to be able to share that with somebody. It's also something I've really shied away from in the past, because I was concerned with somebody else “owning” the album as much as I do. I didn't want to share that.
What changed your mind?
I guess it’s sort of an ego thing, right? I wanted to prove myself to myself, but also to everybody else. I didn’t want to be automatically paired up with a producer… But now, having done music for a bit, it’s nice to have friends and share things and work with people you admire, and learn from them.
It sounds like you’re doing a lot of letting go as you get older and gain more experience. What else are you letting go of these days?
I think I’m just trying to enjoy the things that I’ve made! I want to enjoy my work, and enjoy going on tour even if it's hard. I want to enjoy playing a show, even if it's kind of awkward. I used to place so much emphasis on being a musician when I was younger, or this idea of being a musician and what I thought my life was going to be, but I think that’s just putting art on a higher pedestal. It’s just life.
Has this all impacted your work? Are you being less precious with perfecting your words or polishing your songs?
Yeah, definitely. I find it interesting because the less I try to make a song sound clever, the more sense it actually makes. It reveals itself to me in a way. And it turns out that most people relate to things that are a bit more abstract anyways? I mean, in the end, these are just words that we've invented, and paired with sound — so you can kind of sing anything, and it makes sense to somebody.
It seems like you feel really free as an artist lately.
I do feel free! I think maybe a bit too free sometimes! (Laughs) I’m not concerned with making hits, but of course, I do want people to listen, it still has to resonate. I still really want to write good songs that people want to listen to. But maybe my idea of what makes a good song is changing a bit. I guess it comes back to: Are you making art that is for everybody? Are you making it just for them, and not for you? Or are you making it for yourself? So I’m trying to be honest with myself and make what I really want to make.